Dating isn’t easy. We all know someone that seems to habitually jump the gun on dating. They hook up with someone at a bar, claim that person is ‘the one’, and the next day they’re committed to a long term relationship. Most of us have witnessed this, and more often than not this blitz ends in a false start, and they fizzle right back to where they were at the beginning of the dating game. Aside from the hurry up, there’s another kind of play we see being called a lot, the long ball. These people always seem to pick the person that is inconvenient to date, whether it be distance, disparate work schedules, or both. They complain because people around them have the easy play, everyone else’s partners live down the street or they both have off on Fridays in the summertime. “It would be so easy if only (enter excuse)” they say. Both types of relationships have their downsides, but one may be better than the other.
Addicted to the Hurry-up
There seems to be a sneaky phenomenon taking hold of our generation in a hurry. Not only are people jumping the gun on dating someone, but couples in the dating scene seem to be getting extremely comfortable with each other more quickly than couples in the past. Our self-fulfilling obsession with instant gratification is bleeding into our relationships. We want more dating options, and we want them now. Even more, once we find someone we like, we want to see them all the time. We text them throughout the day, and hang out with them every weekend, if not every day. This ‘Now, now, now’ mentality, is accelerating the stages of a normal relationship, and pushing them from the honeymoon to old couple in what seems like a month or two. This contrasts with our parents who saw each other about once or twice a week on average during the early stages of relationships. This separation drew out the period of mystery, and their lack of technology didn’t allow them to fall into the “let’s just watch Netflix tonight” rut that so many fall into after the first month. The upside is how quickly you find out if this person is truly someone you can stand or not, but this leads to more break-ups, which no one likes. Our advice is to take the time to get to know someone before adding the label and getting into a routine. Routines are great for productivity, but the killers of relationships. Mix things up weekly. Make a list of things you want to do and places you want to eat, and use the list at least once a week. You hurried up and got down the field and scored! Good for you, now go do it all over again, but call different plays.
Think before playing the long ball.
For those in more long distance relationships, this can be a blessing and a curse. Yes, it is very inconvenient having to travel over two hours to see the person you like or love, but that distance makes every day you spend with that person more enjoyable (if you can find a way to deal with it). Think of it like stretching: while it may feel a bit painful, it may actually be making you stronger. This forced separation gives both parties space that the hurry-uppers don’t normally get. This allows each person to do the things they want with the free time they have. The distance can also relieve guilt felt in a local relationship when you aren’t hanging out with your girlfriend on Wednesday night because they’d rather go out with their buds to watch rivalry night hockey at the local dive. However, there is caution to be had by those who pursue the Hail Mary over a long period of time, sure you may have gotten good at it, but after a while, your arm will give out. As things get serious, you need to have a game plan on how to move forward. There needs to be a plan that you will eventually be in the same location. Start thinking about your options as soon you feel this person is someone you’d like to be with long term. After all, the goal of any relationship is to end happily ever after right? Use the distance to your advantage while you can and call a timeout to huddle up with your person once things look to get tough due to the distance.
X’s and O’s
In summation, you blitz-heavy Jim Johnson types, need to be a little more patient. There’s no major rush to get into a relationship, be honest with the person you’re with and take things as they come. If you’re afraid of it fizzling out before you get a chance to start dating then you both weren’t in the right place for each other from the start, bullet dodged.
For the deep ballers, make sure you have open conversations with your distant love. Honesty is key when it comes to distance. It’s way too easy to keep secrets when someone is miles away, and secrets tear people apart. It is also important to keep tabs on how both of you are feeling and how much the distance is putting stress on your connection. If it feels like you are the right fit for each other, create a game plan that will get you over the goal line and into the endzone, together.
Any advice for those fast lovers and long distance passers? Hate the puns? Tell us in the comments below.