It’s Halloween season so I figured we’d cover something “topical”: Ghosting. Not haunting (side note I can’t stop imagining the broke neck lady in my ill-lit apartment #thehauntingofhillhouse) but ghosting; ghosting is the act of discontinuing all contact with someone you are, or were, romantically interested in by not replying to texts or calls. Effectively disappearing.
The goal of this website, as I’m sure you’ve already derived, is to stir motivations within guys to become gentlemen, to better themselves and their communities, and I think we can all agree that the act of ghosting is not resemblant of this goal. Ghosting has become more popular as dating apps have grown in use. We as a generation feel ghosting is a viable option to break ties because those we don’t connect with right away can just jump right back into the dating pool, if they ever really left. Additionally, it’s likely the person we met on an app wasn’t connected to our current friend group, so the social fallout would be minimal if not zero. While this is true, ghosting can still have a cost, maybe not to you, but to the ghostee.
Ghosting is the easy way out. However, as many of us know from experience being a ghostee, unexpected emotional avoidance from someone we like can cause confusion, frustration, and feelings of inadequacy. A sudden lack of communication, in turn, communicates a perception of indifference, which in my eyes is worse than disdain or hate. Ghosting indicates to the other person that they aren’t worth a simple explanation. It leaves ambiguity in a place where romantic feelings used to sit, possibly leading to a load of defeating self-talk and feelings of deflated social value. All of this can be easily avoided, and if we are trying to better ourselves and those around us, if we are trying to become true gentlemen, we should do our part to not propagate the trend.
Can Ghosting Ever Be the Right Option?
In short, sure it can- IF BOTH PARTIES FEEL THE SAME WAY. We have all been on a lackluster date where we are obviously just being polite from the get-go, nodding and smiling, pushing conversation on long enough to feel like we aren't being rude. In this case, a simple “Hey thanks for going on the date, it was nice.” is the only follow up a failed date requires. If they return with an “Agreed.” with no further communication after 2-3 days, channel your inner Casper and ghost away.
On the other hand, if you receive a “Yeah! Omg! I had so much fun lets go out next week! When are you free? I have a family party on Saturday, do you want to meet my parents? Also, I’m going to Florida in 2 weeks to see my grandparents, do you want to come? We can totally chillax on the beach in between watching my Grandfather take out his teeth to eat his meals! Haha xoxo” you may need to say something to clear the air. A definitive break is necessary, not only because this person will likely become a stalker if left in the emotional no-mans-land, but because they were obviously much more emotionally invested. This kind of unreciprocated investment needs to be handled gently and conclusively. Let them down easily and honestly, then hop back into swipecity.
In short, be a gentleman: don’t ghost, be respectful, and move on. It’s that simple.